For some reason, a very dramatic but faulty profile of me has been circulating on the world wide web. According to the spam I receive, I am in dire need of all sorts of drugs, including viagra, have a major weight problem and should refinance my mortgage immediately.

My husband, on the other hand, could use an enlargement, if you know what I mean, and a hair transplant. We both need a vacation and could use some extra cash.

Okay, maybe they’re not too far off with the hair transplant and my having to lose a few extra pounds. But, aside from the fact that everyone "could use some extra cash," I don’t know where they get the addresses they send these unsolicited offerings to. Do these persistent dot-com entrepreneurs make any attempt to isolate whether the folks on the other end of the computers are in need of, interested in or inclined to purchase their goods and wares and services? Tell me, please, that they use a shotgun approach, and that out in that techno world I am not really perceived as the sum total of what my list of e-mails reflects each morning as I connect to the web.

Just in case, let me state here. I am not looking for a magic diet pill, nor to purchase prescription drugs online. Most of all, I hope the widows of the leaders of those obscure nations get the message: I will not send you my social security number and am not interested in your transferring $16 million of your late huband’s money into my bank account.

I may be a little overweight, have thinning hair, and pay too much for my prescription drugs, but I am not stupid.